While many of you know I have been in Washington DC, since the 23rd of January. In that time I have been happier than I usually am back home in Nebraska. But up until the other day I refused to think about my future, and what it is that I really wanted to do, so now I’m going to explain a few things in this blog and really open up about how the last few weeks have effected my life.
When I came to DC I knew I would meet a guy, but what I didn’t know is that I would turn out liking this guy a lot, and while I know there is little chance of anything happening between us, I still can’t fight my feelings for him. While I express some of those feelings, because he allows me to, I stop myself from expressing so many others.
Australia, is just a few months away, and while I am yet again at odds with myself over what will happen I need to stop and figure this out for myself, while other’s have their opinions they can’t really dictate to me what is right for me. Australia means more then just a trip to another country, a chance to meet, and emerge myself in a whole new culture. It means goodbye for so many of the people I don’t want to lose in my life.
While I know getting older means you say goodbye to some of the friends you used to say we would be friends forever with, I don’t want to say goodbye, actually I can’t some of these people regardless of the amount of time I have known them have great influence in my life, and mean so much to me.
The other big thing is Lily many of you know who she is, while she may not be my biological daughter I have helped raise her since she was six months old, up until I just left, while some events have caused us to not see one another as much I still love her so much, and I would do anything to help her and protect her from anything or anyone. When I leave to Australia, I will miss over a year of her life, and the memories I have of her will possibly be all but gone, because she may not like My Little Pony anymore and ask to watch it with me, she will have grown so much, and those are times in her life I don’t really know if I can stand to miss.
While fighting with members of my family has continued I haven’t been able to escape drama, as well as I would have hoped. I started working yesterday, and now I must analyze my life and decide what is the best for me. While many people think Australia is a once and a lifetime opportunity, I don’t know if I share their excitement.
I believe I cause more stress for myself then what is necessary but at the same time it is necessary to examine everything that will effect my life, especially the things in which I can control and have a say in.